COMMANDER TANK
OWAS ARMY
HEADQUARTERS
Ms. Kim
Cyberspace
Dec. 4, 2009
Madam:
This letter is to inform you that you have two (2) days to comply with the
OWAS charter which states in Article 14, Section 250 that any taco left
on a dinner table unattended is fair game for any and all species with
four (4) legs. If you do not accept and abide by the charter, you will incur
the wrath of thousands of OWAS members in this country as well as
Canada and Europe. You DO NOT want this to happen.
As Commander of the OWAS Army, I am hereby ordering you to cease
and desist your ill treatment of Pvt. 1st Class Jazzi. As of Dec. 6, 2009,
I expect her to be held in the highest regard in your household. When-
ever there are tacos present, I demand that she be given preferential
treatment or I will have no choice but to initiate proceedings that will
result in a declaration of war. Let me make this perfectly clear to you.
Every time you leave your house, dogs will bark at you and bare their
teeth. Kitties will hiss and try to scratch you. You will be hounded
(literally) until you surrender to our demands.
Sincerely yours,
Commander Tank
OWAS Army
Headquarters