FORMAL COMPLAINT
#892
TO MR. MANGO AND HIS LEGAL BEAGLE
AFTER I SHOW YOU THE EVIDENCE, I'M SURE YOU'LL WANT TO BAN ALL CANADIANS FROM MANGO MINSTER ASAP.
I RECEIVED THIS PACKAGE TODAY.
LOOK WHO IT'S FROM...
I COULDN'T FIND MY HAZMAT SUIT, SO I BRAVELY UNWRAPPED IT WITH NO PROTECTION FROM IMPENDING EXPLOSIONS
OR OTHER NEFARIOUS PLANS BY
"S. KWIRL"
AN INNOCENT LOOKING BOX...
WITH HAPPY LOOKING FACES
OMD
LOOK WHAT'S INSIDE...
SQUIRREL POOPIES
CANADIAN SQUIRREL POOPIES!
HOW DID THIS MAKE IT THROUGH CUSTOMS?!
ewwww...... canadian cooties
the threatening note inside the box
(Just between you and me...
they ain't half bad.)
Mr Mango: I know for a fact that Sam is behind this. Isn't there a law against sending squirrel poopies through the US Postal System?! I urge you to have the beagle research this (I wouldn't want to strain your few remaining mentals.) A sharply worded letter disqualifying him from any further competitions in the USA should be sent out post haste (that means in a hurry.)
41 comments:
OH MY! Poopies!! Are you sure you should be eating those? :)
Uh...why does it say dat it is made in da USA? Dat is just so wrong.
Puddles
TANK!! This is an outrage!!
-Bart and Ruby
Poopies? Really... I'm not sure it's wise to eat them... Careful there.
pawhugs, Max
WOW! That really got there fa... er... we mean... We really have a problem with the Canadian Squirrels! They have their own society and everything... We can hardly believe they would stoop to such a level and send you those poopies! Shocking!
Sam and Pippen
It is a low blow indeed from those Canadian Squirrels! Are you sure Sam is behind this???
Tail Wuggles, Rubie
Tank,
Me does not like squirrels, as me and they has had a vendetta for years, but being a Canadian, and the United Squirrels of Canada sent yous poopies--well--me MUST support them!
Only me wants MY CANDIDATE, Allred the Cat to win!!!!
Kisses
Penelope the Cat From Hell
Campain Manager Allred for MM Bad Sport
Canadians and Cats RULE!!!!!!!
Oh no! Not poopies! That's not a good package!
Wags,
Maddy and Owen
Tank you sure are brave to open that poopies package. Even braver to eat some.
Blessings,
Goose
Note From My Vickie.....
I am not letting Bert read this post as I do not want him to show favoritism in any way when it comes to Best In Show....
But oh my goodness. You just crack me up
That squirrel poop looks kind of nommy. Please send it to my estate for closer examination at once.
Slobbers,
Mango
Poop! I loves to eat me poop! Have you tried Deer poops, they are good - I would think you could sprinkle them on your kibble and it be yummers. Oh and Kat poop is good too, tootsie rolls. I don't eat dog poops though, that would be crossing a line.
woof - Tucker
I bet they go well on khrakhkahdogs -
Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
Being friends of Sam and Pippen...and being of the Canadian Descent...I have no problems saying that Sam would just not do such a thing...he has never been anything short of a gentleman to me...and occasionally stood up for my honor...i was once raped by a chihuahua and he saved me...so I really think you are over thinking this Tank..some skwirrews are just bad ass....and thats a fact...
Tank, please put all the evidence in plastic bags, preferably without getting any more of your tongue and paw prints all over it, and save it for Abby to collect for forensic analysis. Evidence eaten is evidence not available for submission to the court, at least not in any legally sufficient form.
It is curious, as Puddles noted, that the package would purport to be from Canadian squirrels but would clearly say 'made in the U.S.A.' Do you have any evidence that actually links Sam to the squirrels? Common citizenship is not a legally sufficient link. However, Sam's comment on this post could be considered an admission against interest.
Abby will subject the note, package and contents to rigorous testing, including for DNA. Abby trusts Sam will voluntarily submit a DNA sample for comparison. Abby will also need a sample of your DNA, for elimination purposes. Cooperation with an official ethics investigation must be in the Mango Minster Official Rules someplace. In case of an oversight, Abby will ask the Mango to rectify the omission at once so that the investigation of your complaint can continue.
Finally you note at the top of your complaint that it is complaint #892. Abby has received three substantive complaints from you, counting this one. Abby is not counting the comments you have made on assorted posts containing some variation on the general phrase "I complain." Please tell her there are not 889 complaints still in the pipeline.
Jed & Abby the Legal Beagle-MIX [1/2 Boxer] Extraordinaire and Official Guardian of Ethics for MM2012
I am horrified by said behavior. OMD Tank don't eat that, it is just what they want. God help you if you start sprouting a very bushy tail and your head shrinks and you have nut cravings. Stop now before its too late please.
licks and sniffs Sasha
Well, I would love to help you out, but I have just received my walking papers from the Canine Customs Squirrel Poop Unit. I was in training to join this elite force of soliders ...but I guess they saw my post this morning and kicked my dress-wearing butt to the curb ...
Oh Tank you are so brave to have opened that package - and then to have eaten the squirrel poop, now that takes great nerve. I'm impressed.
Oh no Tank!
That's a really scary present! You are so brave to even give it a try. The box sure looks cute, though!
We are joining the Mango Minster too! And the battle begins! We bring peace and not threats, though.
Love,
Piappies Fudgie, Princess, Frappie, Mocha, Sugar, Wai-Max, Wai-Pai & Forgie
Tank, how in the heck can you get him DQ'd if you're eatin' all the evidence? duh!
put down the poopies.
step away from the poopie container.
call the authorities.
The cracker would happily help you in getting evidence over to MM. just a thought.
Wild Dingo
We will be checking back tomorrow to make sure you are still okay after eating them poopies. We think you better get them in the mail immediately to the mango estate. Sniffs, The HoundDogs
I see nothing....I hear nothing :)
Woofs and Licks,
Judge (Bad SPorts) Maggie Mae
Stop eating the evidence, Tank!
To the Official Guardian of Ethics:
As a Canadian Dawg, I do not need to submit to your American DNA testing nor will I send in my paw print for comparison testing. You will need to submit a formal request to the Canadian Consulate in Washington DC. I have already contacted our Prime Minister and he has vowed to fight this injustice to all Canadian Dawgs!
Sam (and Pippen)
if you lived at my house and ate poopies, you would be getting dosed with hydrogen peroxide and then you would be tossing your cookies and the poopies...And Tank, what ever possessed you to eat them???
Wow, I'm certainly glad that I don't have jurisdiction over any of this!! BOL. Hey Tank, I bet they do seem tempting, but maybe better not eat those. Might be something in there besides your normal, tasty tree rat poopers. Try bird poopers instead!
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP
MOL MOL MOL....We need to form a posse to sneak across the boarder to Occupy Canada!!
I hope no one sends me squirrel poopies I have plenty in my yard.
Hugs Madi
Sam, you have put Abby in a most awkward position. You, of course, have the right to refuse to cooperate in providing any evidence that may tend to incriminate you AND you are, of course, innocent until proven guilty. We do share a common legal system, after all.
However, you have no constitutional right to participate in Mango Minster. As MM is a totally private competition, no constitutional rights accrue. Abby will consult the Mango on the situation, as we appear to be at an impasse.
Abby is still subjecting Tank's evidence to forensic scrutiny, including an examination of the postage and customs documentation to determine whether the package did, in fact,originate in Canada. Abby will advise the Mango of the forensic results to assist him in determining whether submitting an entry to MM is a de jure agreement to cooperate fully in any ethics investigation.
Abby the Legal Beagle-MIX [1/2 Boxer] Extraordinaire and Official Guardian of Ethics for MM2012
Tank, we're kinda thinking that eating the evidence might, uh, damage your case. However, if squirrel poopies are anything like catbox crunchies, I can see how you might be inclined to devour the incriminating squirrel poopies. We'd be happy to escort those poopies to the Mango Estate, you know, to keep the chain of custody clear! And those EVIL Canadian squirrels! Their own organization and everything!!! Ahhhh!
*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus
Oh that's just epic. Nice one. I didn't know dogs are capable of doing such heinous crimes! I thought only cats could do so.
Huggies and Cheese,
Haopee
Tank,
Could you come gets dis eye booger out fur me?
Puddles
I knows how to solve this crime!
Put the noms, I mean evidence back in the mail and ship it to me by winged courier. I will dispose of these foul pellets in my belly, I mean secret lair.
I shall be waiting by my mailbox so please don't delay. Time is of the essence!
Most Sincerely Yours, The HB
Tank, after consultation with the Mango, Abby and the Ethics team will be completing their investigations into this matter over the weekend and filing a report with the Mango for his final decision. Please be assured this matter is receiving our closest attention.
Abby, Official Guardian of Ethics for MM2012
We buy those. I love them.
BOL! Squirrel poopies from the Canooks. I luv it! Luv to eat them too. Is that wrong? ;)
Tank, you may want to rethink this war on Canada thing. Looks like it's gettin a bit out of paw to me. And where are your troops? Um...what are ya gonna do to retaliate for the squirrel poopies? Heh Heh Heh
Waggin at ya,
Roo
Did you see what I gots in da mail from Sam and Pippen?
Puddles
Just who are these innocent bloggers of which you speak??? And we have sent no suspicious packages...
Sam and Pippen
Hmm...something is fishy here! Oh, no - I mean something smells funny here...
Be careful Tank! Too much of a good thing can be harmful! :) Yum!
I'm gonna go scope out Sam for ya...If I find anything to further back up your "Formal Complaint #892", I will let you know!
Baylor on the job..
OH MY PUGNESS! I cant believe that Sam and Pip would send you a bag of Poopies!! just count your lucky stars that they were not on fire on your dorrstep! Mmmmm That squirrel poop looks really yummy though, bet it tasted real good!!! Hope Mango tests the evidence! Love and Licks from Frank xxxx
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